Seriously, shut the eff up. You're kinda annoying.

MY NEW BABY. (:

Gotta love me for me, I feel the beat drop slow like an Autumn leaf.

To the folks that's M.I.A.to the folks who ain't here today.

.. in the world where the love of Marijuana smokes
praying for the ones far from hope
but I keep my head high for the right causes
But they ask me to promise cause they all think friendship last forever right?
I can't say a word cause to you it's 'whatever' right?
neighborhood dramas clear my ear, ain't plugged up cause homies here.
As I'm circling around thought's racing on stairway because
I wonder what I'll become
In the thick far clouds my mind kinda like cross hatch
sorta numb like the feeling when you come pass subtle
take a space shuttle to my soul and back, who holds me back?
People blames me for their absence
What did say? What did I do? To make you lose you.
Tell me what the problem is, if you say Ill tell you where the problem lives
let yourself freeze up, I see you got your deeds up
and you wonder why I don't see us
You hold your own and your friend's ain't even apart of it
You complain we ain't there but you started it.

AM Kidd- Gotta Love Me

SELL OUT would be the category you beezies fall under and is what you'll be for the rest of your life and pass on to your kid's.

I just love how people gloat in front of me about up coming events their attending. Oh, yaknow.. don't mind me, I just LOVE staying home 24/7. Ughk.

I fly like paper, get high like planes.

Today felt like old times, I kinda liked it. Lot's of laughing over random nothing and of course a lot of picking-on one another like always. I hope we maintain the consistency and look beyond the mistakes. I think it's worth it? I hope so. I tried Long John Silver today for the first time ever and it tastes just as delicious as I'd assume. (:
Life feel's bitter sweet as of right now right now. You know what feel's nice? Reassurance. But I hate not knowing the guarantee of it but then again I shouldn't over analyze it like always, bad habbit.

I've always had a strong interest about the history of Genocides and especially the Holocaust. It's so intriguing how dictating one could be and word's cannot explain how heart breaking it is to reflect back on how many innocent lives that were taken.

I.. feel.. lost?
and a slight sense of nostalgia.

At the end of the day no one else but you determines your own path, present and future. Take a stand for what you own.

HAAYY!

Hello, it is 2:48 AM and I drank Arizona Tea today(I'm super sensitive to tea) so therefore I'm screwed.

I have random stuff on my mind that I must speak up about or I'll become bitter. I hate it when people barrow my belongings and does not take care of them and/or misplace them. Please don't take this into offense, I really DON'T mind sharing, sometimes I just feel like my feelings all of a sudden don't matter just because I'm not able to use them as much right now. Just because I can't use it at the moment or anymore does not mean you can have it. That's the main thing right now that ticks me the eff off, people getting too comfortable. My house/room is not a goddamn Church where you can come with anyone you want at anytime. I cannot stand people who lack common courtesy or common sense.

On a brighter note: I am officially signing up for class tomorrow, kudos to me? Indeediously.(:
OMG, you must peep this fellow blogger I came across on Google. His blog is called: http://www.thebitterblog.com/
He is extremely blunt and the sexual topic's he talks about cracks me up, the only thing I despise is the fact that he claims to be a "Womanizer" and he doesn't believe in "Womens Rights" and he sorta be little's women. What a douche but dizzamn he's hilarious. Click on "Rss" to read all his blogs.

"Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Just say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along
But that's disregard
Find another friend and you discard
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between.."
- The Fray- Over My Head

I hate it when people question my authorities.

Lately I find myself being extra temperamental and I hate it so bad because it's been said that for every minute you are mad it's a whole minute of happiness you are missing out on and cannot get back, something in that nature. I'm trying to control my temper. It has ways of taking a toll on my personality. I apologize to those I've been shooting unnecessary attitude and temper tantrums to, I sincerely am sorry.

As human nature we are constantly on-the-go, whether it be work, school or galivanting around. When I think back all I could remember is me being out or at work and when I was home I'd always be in my room and/or on the computer. I have a single mom and I never noticed how lonely she gets watching tv every night by herself while I was out or whatever. I could remember getting annoyed of the consecutive call's from my mom asking the same question, "when are you coming home? It's so and so o'clock". Now I understand it's not because she's being over-protective, it's because she'd miss my presence. I never realized how broken the communication and acknowledgment between me and my mom was. I'm fessing up to my fault's because I don't think we realize how much we neglect our parents. I'm just trying to put out there you should acknowledge parent's more if you aren't, don't be so quick to forget who gave you life and put a roof over your head. They're here today but tomorrow is not promised. I am trying to make up for lost moment's from the past so I feel slightly less-guilty. Better late than never. (:

Such a great loss but she will forever remain as my favorite singer.

I am finally starting to read Tori Spelling's book "sTORI TELLING''.

Don't under estimate me or my intelligence.

I don't trust anyone I don't respect. I don't respect anyone I don't trust.

What makes YOU happy? I certainly encourage anyone seeking joy and fulfillment to explore the many ideas that abound, but you should really pick the activities that resonate with you. Ultimately, I find that being content follows with happiness. Funny how happiness to many of us is to be looking outside ourselves. We buy more gadgets, clothes, shoes, equipment, or work for more money. Eventually when the trend/newness has worn off or we are tired from overworking, a feeling of emptiness or discontent sets in. I believe that it’s not material things that will fulfill us, but activities, our surroundings and being with others who share our best interests should complete you. But eh, not all people think that way. You should really try it! Oh yeah, just a random thought: Some people may not agree with me but I don't think there's anything more satisfying than spending money on food. I never feel like it's a "waste" unless it's ridiculously over priced or it tasted like shit. I rather spend money buying food which is feeding me and my body verses to buying clothes, which I'd probably lose interest in very quickly knowing the person I am. Lol

Weird, after being betrayed and fucked over so hard then being able to over-look it as if it were nothing. It's an odd feeling for me to feel. My worse fear came true. I cried, I coped, in the end I learned to seek acceptance and moved on. I feel almost invincible. Acceptance plays a big role in life, where would we be if we didn't understand the reality of a situation? Lost, duh. You may not always like it but it's for the better.

Quality > Quantity

I am officially narrowing it down to people who sincerely wants to come see me, not because they feel obligated. So please, spare me the pity excuses.

Anywho, dizzamn. Wtf is wrong with the weather? And oh yeah, 4/20 is right around the corner! You already know.(:

Morning.

"It's a funny thing coming home, you realize what has changed. It smells the same, looks the same, feels the same. The only thing that's different is you" - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

The familiar sounds of airplanes, dogs barking and birds chirping early in the morning reminds me of what used to be. Last night was a very sleepless night, been awake since 4 am. Did a lot of thinking, reminiscing about the past but contemplating about the present and future. Yesterday, Thaison randomly told me I have really good friend's and I could not agree more! I love them so much. It's been said that when one chapter ends a new one begins. Recently, I was able to block out all the burden's in my life and it feels.. refreshing.(: False hope is a set up for disappointment. But eh, can't say I didn't try.

To those out there who are unclear about the facts of my accident, please don't go around making rumors or shooting rude unnecessary opinion's. Okay, yeah true I was high. So what? Are you saying because I smoked a blunt, the car flipped and crushed me? I don't owe any of you an explanation but I'm just trying to state the facts. It makes me sad but yet so mad and appalled how heartless people could be. Seriously, what if it were you, your family or any of your loved ones in that situation. I would like to see what you have to say or what your intake on ignorant peoples rude comments and opinion. People can be so insensitive, how low and pathetic.

I am re-analyzing this from all perspectives, it does not hurt to every so often be the bigger person and forgive. Depending on the situation, person and yourself. I suppose. But the catch is.. you just don't want your effort to be put waste because chances are, they might screw you again. But then again, it is way out of our hand's to predict nor control. Pro's and con's, SHITSWEAK.

Bandwagon's annoy the eff out of me. I rather be different and stand out because what I can't stand is fitting in with the rest. Real talk.

RESILIENCE-

To my dearest bestfriend, my ride or mothaf_ckin' die. I love you with all my heart, it is a cold world out there. Yet you have only seen the beginning and has only had a little taste of it. I want you to know that by being so passive and forgiving you are only hurting yourself and allowing people to walk all over you. I refuse to let the world get the best of you(as much as possible). No it's not a matter of being a "bitch", I suspect all until proven otherwise.

Everytime I go to the Animal Adoption website, I want to just save and adopt all of them. They're all extremely utterly cute! Boo, it's quite heartbreaking. Help out if you can, please: http://www.sanjoseanimals.com/

What's more enticing than having your family and bestfriend's around? And to be sure of it.(:

Revenge Is Sweet.

A little Bronzer and Gloss pull's an outfit together.

One Year

Many "What If's" and "If only" running through my mind. Few stuck around, many did not. A load has changed and I'm still seeking for closure and acceptance. But this world could still be so cold. The friend's that I have left are viewed as family, so I would like to say my family gets me by. I am so blessed.

I feel so refreshed being able to vent what I've kept bottled up for so long. I feel slightly immature but eh, I think it's worth it. I'm over it, moving along.